An accident

Recently, many things happening around me, I felt exhausted.

Dad met with an accident last Thursday, when he was on his way home. He was about to turn in to the small road beside my house, and then he was knocked down by a car which actually beat the red light. Upon hearing the accident, I didn’t react normally, instead of rushing down to hospital, I stayed in school to do my final year project. I don’t know what I wanted to do. Later in the evening, two hours after I knew about the accident, I couldn’t concentrate anymore, another hour over, I rushed down finally. When I saw him in such a state, my tears rolled down, uncontrollably. At night I kept imagine him being knocked down, and started crying for an hour. Haiz. He was admitted to Changi General Hospital, a very slow hospital, which don’t even check whether is the bed working properly before my dad lies on it. On Saturday, the doctor still can’t confirm with us whether and when they are doing operation on my dad, we were all kinda of angry and getting impatient. It was 3 days after my dad admitted to the hospital and only on Saturday’s night they do a scanning for my dad.  Finally, on Sunday’s afternoon, he was been operated on his left ankle, and a very long screw has been input in. Luckily, both his right ankle and hip bone need not operate and he can be discharged from hospital maybe this week. But for the future, whether would we sue that fellow, can my dad continue to work or my mum has to stop working temporarily to take care of my dad, I have no answer to these question. I just pray hard that my dad will have a speed recovery.

For the past few days, with the effect from the day the accident happened, my family is in turmoil, nothing runs smoothly, especially is Chinese New Year. None of us in the family is not exhausted and moody.

New year’s eve, the most busy day for my mum every year, but this year double busy, double tired. After came home from hospital, which is about 5 plus, though she need not have to prepare the reunion dinner, still have to prepare for her praying thingy at night. We had a vegetarian reunion dinner, after which, quarrels start in between my dajie and my bro, my bro and my mum, and previously about my dad’s accident, my erjie and dajie. Huat Ah people. Super bad mood people living in my house right now. I just kept quiet, though not very happy with my little brother’s attitude, what to do I was like that before. And I wouldn’t know how he feel to handle the ’immediate after-accident’ situation on that day, as he was called out by my neighbours who informed him that my dad met an accident. Until now, no one care about how he feel, whether was he taken aback about the accident a not since he had never met such thing before. Instead, thesefew days he has been quarrelling with us, as we picked on his attitude. Thinking back, we shouldn’t have been like this, but we don’t picked on him now, I don’t know how irresponsible he will become in the future.  Anyway, we try to help out to clean the house, but my dajie still not very satisfied with us, and keep nagging and nagging, even my mum just keep quiet. I have to balance the time to spend doing my project and doing housework. Exhausted.

 First day of Chinese New Year, quarrel again. What to do, I wouldn’t blame Dajie, afterall she is the eldest among us we wouldn’t know how much stress she has. She isn’t like us, she gets paranoid with things not being done, and unlike my mum, she nags. (which the rest of us can’t stand, especially me). But this time round, whenever I know I’m reaching my boiling point, i just think for my dad, how much pain he has on him right now. After quarelling, we went to visit my dad, and we try to make a happy atmosphere infront him to reduce his pain. The night before, my mum gave him an angpow of $120, gone, stolen by someone else in the hospital. hmmm… forget it. Nothing else is more important than my dad’s health condition now. Bruises all over his leg  and backside. *Pain!   Then we left to Bencoolen street, and then to my ah ma’s house. After which, less than an hour, I left and head home to do my project, not even have the chance to talk to my cousin, Shirley.

Second day of new year, had 4 hours of sleep and wake up to accompany my mum to the temple at Toa Payoh, to get rid of what ‘Tai shui’ whatever it is, I don’t want to say any religion thingy with her, just let her have a peaceful mind. After that, we went home, and then go out again, to pray my ah ma at Kovan. I did told her to do it tomorrow so that she wouldn’t be that busy, she say only today. Anything la, just follow her and help her up while my Dajie cook and send the food over for my dad to eat. My little brother just stayed at home to do finished his homework and housework. lol. He’s better than me in housework. Today, my relative came to our house, and not more than an hour, they left and head to the hospital to see my dad. That’s so nice of them, my dad must have felt touched that so many people visit him today.

Arh… my mum should be the most tired, most mentally and physically stress-up person in the whole family. How I wish I can confirm with her that I have secured my job and that she don’t need to worry about no time and money to take care of my dad after he discharge from the hospital. Moreover, it’s economic crisis, I really can’t be sure that I have secured my job, though my colleague asked when is my last lecture week and exam. I’m really not too sure.

hmmm… I don’t know what is my Erjie thinking man, she did not help out in the sense, phyiscally be there as a whole family in time like this. Like today, she is out the whole day in the temple, I don’t want to say anything about it, since my Dajie never. But I felt she should be more consider in giving time to the family, especially now that dad is in hospital. Everything has been settled by my Dajie, what about her? Though I haven’t been helping much, at least I’m home to show that whenever my Dajie or mum need me, I’m here. Kinda of disappointed in her for the first time, especially I respect her the most in the family. hmmmm…

Random thoughts that crossed my mind these few days which I can’t be bother about it:
- Teacher Jeffrey, told him my dad is in hospital, he show no concern at all. Can’t be bother with him, since I’m always his worest student of all.
- I saw Eleanor on Nigel’s birthday photo thingy on Facebook, can’t be bother.
- Jeffrey’s house for CNY, many people asked, i can’t be bother.
- Mason’s house for CNY with all my secondary school friends tomorrow, can’t be bother.
-  Getting not enough sleep, try to make it up for it
- Dark rings coming out, hack it.

Besides all above, I really want to thank my FYP’s group mates for being so concern, and sang our ‘Take Care’ song to me through the phone on Friday. Being with them makes me feel more happier and they have really given me alot of ‘Take Care’. But at the same time, sorry for not being able to finish up my work on time, delaying the whole group.

Lastly, add one more thing to my new year resolution: Take care of my dad and mum.

It hurts just by hearing your name… It’s mind-torturing to me

It’s Nigel’s 21st birthday celebration tonight, I couldn’t make it, as I have to study for test on Wednesday. I thought maybe I could join them after my study at airport. Janice called me, and I asked who are the people there, your name has been mentioned, I hestitate to go. When I heard ‘Eleanor’ this name from others’ mouth, my heart sank heavily. It has been quite some time since I last saw you, nearly a year? I want to go, because I miss you, friend, but I don’t want to go because I’m too weak to face everything. I can imagine seeing you is like reminding me of that email. That email that you sent, almost a year ago, hurts deeply. It’s mind-torturing too, and I have been lying to myself that I can get over it. But I’m too weak, too emotional, still clinging on to the memories we had together.

Whenever Janice mentioned to me about you, I feel so weak, infront of Janice? I dont get it why. There’s so many times I wanted to show Janice that email, to let her know what she had done that caused Eleanor and I to be like this. Though not entirely her fault, all these years so many misunderstanding in between Eleanor and I, there is nothing not link to what Janice had done. I didn’t show it to Janice, caused some how I know I’ll be fool by her again. What for show that email to Janice? What for explain to Eleanor that I was just a fool that trusted Janice with everything? I should just forget everything, and move on. But I know I can’t forget.

Why am I still friend with Janice? I don’t know why, maybe I’m still a fool? Or maybe I am used to her, doing wrong things just to hurt me? What else can I do? All that I can do is forgive and forget like I’ve done countless of times. Too tired to tried confronting to her,  she will never admit any single mistakes that she made, I tried everything, nothing works and I’m still a fool. I’m getting numb about all her wrong doings, I just simply ignore her. Now that Eleanor is no longer my friend, I feel extremely hurt but somehow I feel safer, at least there is one thing lesser for Janice to be jealous of me.

I guess Eleanor has long forget a friend like me, or she wouldn’t even want to mention about me, somehow she was the one that ended everything and left me only regrets.

Maybe someday Janice will see this entry, or what. I don’t know and I don’t care. She should be happy that I admit my defeat to her. I wonder sometime, where is her sense of guilt?

Recently…

Back to blog for awhile. Today, Jiaying, KB, Mas,Michelle, Melissa, Shawn Boo, Ernest and I went to Chinatown to grab some new year goodies. Apparently, all the stores are selling the same old things again and again, even their store positions are the same as previous years. That’s one of the reasons why Singapore is getting boring for me. Anyway, my friends couldn’t get their ‘Lim Chee Guan’ and we end up at this famous dessert store in Chinatown. Enjoyable night before I start choing for FYP, every other groups have started their engine going long ago, and my group, starting tomorrow.

FYP presentation time schedule is out, last group to present, thanks arh, but no thanks. haha. Anyway, look on the bright side, it’s 4 plus in the afternoon, and not 9 plus in the morning. Pretty excited about ending the whole thing.

I’m graduating soon. oh man. I’m just felt something’s not right. It’s like I’m feeling paranoid, everytime ”graduating” this word comes across my mind. Moreover, it isn’t just about paranoid, I’m feeling uncertain. DHL job’s offer, I have accepted it, but I think I have not really convinced myself. This is so not me, already made my decision but still hesitating. I hope my boss will faster tell me whether is she still hiring people, no matter yes or no, I don’t think I’m going to be anywhere happy or sad, just give me a decision of yours. Let me have some peace.

I miss Ben Ben and want to go cycling, anywhere under the sun, quiet and alone.

My favourite song, recently, by David Cook, all thanks to Ren and Xinling.

 

Always Be My Baby

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I’m letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m a part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

I ain’t gonna cry no
And I won’t beg you to stay
If you’re determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you’ll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

I know that you’ll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you’ll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it’s only a matter of time

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my my baby….

You’ll always be a part of me (you will always be)
I’m part of you indefinitely
Girl don’t you know you can’t escape me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
And we’ll linger on (we will linger on….)
Time can’t erase a feeling this strong
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

Always be my baby

MAN & BRA

Hey ladies, check this out! haha, I think is damn hilarious.

Protected: a happy dream:)

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my little brother:)

Hehe. This is a picture of my little brother when he was around 3 to 4 yrs old. SUPER CUTE!!!! SUPER ADORABLE!!!!Took this photo out from my dad’s wallet and took this picture! LOVE HIM! :):):):) Now he’s 15 already, no longer as cute as this, but still my little brother:)

2009’s Resolution

1) No more Seafood and Pork on my dining table starting from today so as to become full-time vegetarian on my 21st Birthday.

2) Enrich myself with more Buddhism classes at ABC after I graudate from TP.
(I quit teaching and Mahayana Puja Team :X at PKSSS and there’s no more Jeffrey’s class)

3) Buy Financial Planning insurance once I start working

4) Dont’give up the hope of becoming Event Planner!

5) Save MONEY for bag packing

6) SPREAD THE LOVE (a favour from Ren:) ), which is meaningful.  :):):):)

7) I’m still not going to move…

8 ) Drink more water, dehydrating…

One of Channelnewsasia’s article says that better dont make resolutions, cause if resolutions fail, one can feel very negative and low self-esteem because of that. I think that’s quite subjective, but losing weight for looks, yes it does easily make someone think that he/she is lousy when fail to lose. I think losing weight shouldn’t be for the sake of looks, but health should be the main reason.

Yiruma

Kiss The Rain, one of Yiruma’s famous pieces and my favourite too, thanks to Bryan who introduced this to me.

 

River Flows in you

 

It’s your day